For the yankees:

Okay, not all the yankees, just the ones that act like wiggers.

Wait, I'm not explaining myself right. Wiggers drive jacked up cars with overblown hydraulics and obnoxious rims while blasting Lil' John from a cheap Wal-Mart woofer while wearing gang colors and flashing signs that are meaningless to them. And if that's not enough, they try to cryp walk. Did I spell that right? I don't know. I'M NOT BLACK. Oh, my point: These kids are scared shitless of black people.

Much like these trendy jackholes from above the Mason/Dixon line find Southern culture "quaint," find our food "delish," and even buy those Goin' South compilations only losers and insomniacs see on TV at 5 in the morning. Oh and you adore the Southern aspect of True Blood. But when it comes to the real South? We're racist, gun-toting cousin fuckers that anyone with half a brain stays away from.

Allow me to give you some advice that's been passed down from the West Virginians in my family: Air freshener in the bathroom still smells like shit. Confused? Let me explain. You're shit. You go ahead and be whatever version of white you want to be, and leave the fried food and twin guitar solos to the pros. You're not gonna hear us talking about how freakin sweet a hard roll with buttah is, so we'd appreciate the same from you.

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