This one is for the drunks who keep this country running.

I cook and I love it. I spend 90 hours a week in a few different kitchens cooking, baking, and prepping, and I'll admit that sometimes it gets to me. Sometimes, it's the rich assholes I cook for who saw Hell's Kitchen the night before and want their plate to look exactly like the one on TV. Sometimes it's the stress of needing to make 500 assorted dinner rolls for a little league championship dinner. But it doesn't matter what the cause of stress is, or even if I have any at all. I drink. I love it. I'm not going to stop. I'm sure you can accuse me of being an alcoholic and for all I know, you might be right, but what you don't realize is that I enjoy being drunk, especially with someone I love. I also enjoy being drunk while I do something I love, whether it be playing guitar with a friend, writing, playing video games, or...cooking.

Maybe I'm addicted. Maybe I need a few of your twelve steps. Maybe I am powerless over alcohol and maybe your higher power can save me. Maybe I've been drinking since I was six years old and have been functioning since then with no problem whatsoever. I can hold a steady job, full-time education, and a perfect relationship together while drunk or sober. I can cook your food, to order, just like it was on Hell's Kitchen, in fifteen minutes, while drunk. Or sober.

I am not a bad person, whether I'm addicted or not. Maybe you're clean. Maybe you've never had a drop. Maybe you've even hopped on the wagon and you've been riding it for years. Do me a favor and tell your higher power to fuck itself.

And you can do the same.

We cook your food. We fix your computers. We unclog the toilets you overflow, and we clean the shit from your white tile floors. We babysit your kids and give them the attention you can't because you're too busy with the PTA, Boyscouts, or church.

I'm not saying "don't fuck with us" because I don't want to plagiarize Chuck Palahniuk, but think twice before you judge us, because chances are, you already owe us.

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Now playing: Dropkick Murphys - God Willing
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