In addition to cooking, which you might have read in my last post, I also love video games. I will pwn your ass at almost any game in the Mario series (Excluding the ones past Mario 64 because I still can't get the hang of that goddamn N64 thumb stick). I know every move in the Street Fighter series, every Mortal Kombat fatality, how to kill the Weapons in Final Fantasy VII, and I think I know damn near every game which utilizes the Konami Code. I beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk. Not really, but pat yourself on the back if you get that reference.
Granted, there are games I'll never play, some by circumstance, some by choice. One of the games that falls into the latter category is The Sims. I have a message for everyone who plays it:
GET A FUCKING LIFE.
This isn't anything against the younger folks who play it; you can't help it. You can't legally get a job or start a family without pulling way too many strings, so you can stop reading here and continue sitting with the wife you'll never meet in the hot tub you'll never own that sits on the porch you'll never build.
To the rest of you, particularly those who sit on your fat arses eating Doritos and jacking off, wondering why your dick is orange, whining about how you hate your bitch tits, while spending all your goddamn time playing a game where your character has to get a life: Kill yourself.
Why the fuck are you playing a game where you force your character to get a life, get a job, start a relationship, raise a family, and get a dog? Why don't you just tell your mom you'll be back in a little while so you can get all that started? Scared of sunlight? Have an anxiety disorder? Or are you the fucking Elephant Man? There must be some reason you're in your 30's and still playing life-simulator games.
The reason a lot of people play video games is because they want to do something they're unable to do. They want to play hockey, tear someone's head off, or steal a car and do a drive-by in a rich neighborhood. Some people play because it's fun to do something you could never, ever do in real life, like eat shrooms and stomp turtles or, well, steal a car and do a drive-by in a rich neighborhood.
I think I just figured you Sims fuckers out. You want to do something you could never do in real life, like have sex with someone other than yourself. Or leave your house.
The only advice I can offer is to stop spending hours trying to get the nude patches to work and go find a real human to interact with. Who knows, your new friend might even have a dog you can help to take care of.
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Now playing: Trivium - Master Of Puppets
via FoxyTunes
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